The Weiß Horror Picture Show
by A-chan1
Summary: Omi and Nagi come across an eerie mansion during a thunderstorm in this bizzare Weiß alternate universe.


**The Weiß Horror Picture Show**   
By: A-chan (achan@dork.com) ([defiled.org][1]) 

  


Author's note: (A-chan goes SD, arms flailing about.) Minna! I need a name for Rocky! Please, please, after reading this, [e-mail me][2] with your ideas for him! He can be from any anime/manga/video game, I don't care. Just hope that I know the character. ^^;;; Sankyuu! 

A few other things: for this fic, Weiß has never existed as an assassin group. Schwartz is still around, however, and they still work for Takatori. For some reason, I decided that Omi is going to be called Omi rather than Mamoru although the events in Weiß never happened-- have fun coming up with a reason for that one. 

I worked directly from a RHPS script for this sucker. (Holds up her copy of the thing.) Thus, some of the lines are unchanged-- there were no need to make them any different. ^^ However, I made this into story-form rather than script-form because it suited the fic better. Additionally, the songs are also able to be sung to the original music. Try it-- Shounen Manga Double Fiction is addictive. ^^ 

During the songs, actions are demoted in parentheses. Ya know, these things: (). The fic goes script-form for songs only. (Smiles and nods.) 

I'd like to give special thanks to my best friend C-ko who not only read through this thing for its humor factor, but also helped me write Ya See, Omi and the Lime Warp. Sankyuu so much, Beth Johnson! (Bows to C-ko and grins cheesily.) 

Without further ado... enjoy! 

  


**The Cast**   
--------- 

Dr. Frank-n-Furter (a scientist) 
Kudou Youji 

Janet Weiss (a heroine) 
Tsukiyono Omi 

Brad Majors (a hero) 
Naoe Nagi 

Riff Raff (a handyman) 
Fujimiya Ran 

Magenta (a domestic) 
Fujimiya Aya 

Columbia (a groupie) 
Hidaka Ken 

Dr. Everett V. Scott (a rival scientist) 
Takatori Reiji 

Rocky Horror (a creation) 

Eddie (ex-delivery boy) 
Kase 

The Criminologist (narrator) (an expert) 
Persia 

Usheress (the lips) 
Manx 

**The Transylvanians**   
-------------------- 

A-chan 
Kyle 
P-chan 
Q 

C-ko 
T-ko 
Poli 
Patch 

Gypsy 
Adam 
The WKFF ML 
Yume 

Teepy 
Cri-kee 
Dan 
Brian 

Josh 
The entire cast of Care Bears 
  
  


> **Shounen Manga Double Fiction**   
[Science Fiction Double Feature] 
> 
> Manx:Heero Yuy was hot   
With his Gundamwing 'bot   
And he made Bandai mucho yen   
And Kurama was there   
With his firey red hair   
Vincent was a kid with one hand   
And then things went awry   
For Kouji and the other guy   
They were stuck in a shounen-ai mess   
Then before it was caught   
It came from... the Kitten Shop   
And this is how the message ran: 
> 
> Shounen manga, double fiction   
Doctor Youji will make bishounen   
See mechas fighting   
Nagi and Omi   
Satoshi stars in   
Pocket Monsters   
Oh oh oh oh oh   
At the late night shounen manga fiction show 
> 
> I knew Takahashi Rumiko   
Had a problem with people   
When she made guys turn into girls   
And she couldn't be stopped   
When she made an alien harlot   
Love a lecher named Ataru   
Seishirou said that Subaru   
Knew all the moves   
For his age, he could give lots of thrills   
But when Slayers was airing   
Lina said to her sidekick,   
"You need to build up your mental skills,   
Stop reading the..." 
> 
> Manx:Shounen manga, double fiction   
Doctor Youji will make bishounen   
See mechas fighting   
Nagi and Omi   
Satoshi stars in   
Pocket Monsters   
Oh oh oh oh oh   
At the late night shounen manga fiction show 
> 
> I wanna go   
Oh Oh Oh 
> 
> To the late night shounen manga fiction show   
On Weiß FF,   
Oh oh oh   
To the late night shounen manga fiction show   
In the back posts   
Oh oh oh   
To the late night shounen manga fiction show 

The Lips fade into a picture of a white cross over a blue screen. Over the cross, it reads "horror", written in German. A background music plays to heighten the effect, whatever that effect may be. The subtitles read: The Weiß Horror Picture Show. Soon, the cross fades out into the picture of a white church with a large group of people surrounding the doors. They stand around, gabbing amongst themselves. 

Brad Crawford stands to the side of the group. "Here they are," he announces, bored. 

Omi and Ouka enter from the church, smiling happily. Omi is dressed in a fine tuxedo and Ouka is in a white wedding dress. The people gathered throw rice onto them, screaming various congratulations to the pair. 

Farfello pops out of a bush. Not suprisingly, he is wearing his usual straightjacket. "Let's get a picture!" the psychopath says, his good eye narrowing dangerously. He licks his camera, which looks strangely like a knife... 

Omi and Ouka edge away nervously. Omi leaves his newly-wedded wife to mingle with the crowd. Ouka is surrounded by mobs of gushing women, girls, and pots of flowers. Omi meanders over to a group comprised of Schuderich, Crawford, and Nagi. 

Schuderich pats Omi on the back, his face contorted into a seductive grin. "Congratulations, Omi." The red-haired bishounen smirks and telepathically sends Omi a naughty image of Ouka clad in bondage gear. "I'm sure you two will have... fun on your honeymoon, ne?" 

Omi wipes up his nosebleed with a tissue and walks toward Nagi. "A-heh, arigato, Schuderich-san... well, I guess we finally did it, ne, Nagi-kun?" 

"I don't think he can tell you *that* one," Crawford states drily. The American looks at Omi pointedly. Omi squirms uncomfortably and Crawford proceeds to smirk. 

"It was inevitable, Omi-kun," Nagi cuts in. "You two have been inseperable ever since you met at your dad's "How To Become a Crime Lord" class!" 

"To tell you the truth," the blonde replied, "that's the only reason I took it in the first place." He chuckles. 

Ouka's voice pierces through the din of the crowd. "Alright minna! It's time!" The women present scream and Ouka beams happily. 

Omi watches his bride with pride. "She's gonna throw the bouquet. I got that on sale, y'know, at some flowershop down the road. A nice old lady with a cat owns it." 

Ouka throws the bouquet. Tot runs up and catches it. "I caught it! I caught it!" the small blue-haired girl shrieks happily. 

"Aa, looks like you'll be next, ne, Nagi-kun?" Omi says, giggling. 

"Who knows," the other bishounen replied. 

"Well, see ya around. Ouka's waiting," says Omi. He pauses mid-step as Schuderich sends him another naughty pic and he is once more assaulted with a nosebleed. After shoving a piece of tissue into his nose, he hops into a car, which reads "Just Married". Nagi hits the car twice and Omi and Ouka drive away. 

As soon as the two are out of sight, Nagi turns and unzips Tot's back. Omi steps out from a custom-made Tot costume. 

Omi breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank God that's over with. That costume was stifling!" He stretches. "I wonder how long it'll take Ouka before she realizes she really married a Tot in an Omi costume?" 

Nagi shrugs. "Does it really matter now? She'll be on a plane to her honeymoon in Hawaii in no time." 

Omi smiles. "True... ^^ Oh, Nagi, wasn't it wonderful? Wasn't Ouka radiantly beautiful? I can't believe it... an hour ago, she was plain old Takatori Ouka, but now she's... not..." 

"Yes, Omi, Tot's a lucky girl." Nagi giggles at the thought. 

"Yes," Omi replies, a wistful expression on his petite features. He links arms with Nagi and the two begin walking away. 

Farfello is seen in the background, standing over a corpse. "I always cry at weddings." He licks his knife and returns back to the church for some more 'fun'. 

Nagi pauses for a moment and then begins to speak. "Everyone knows that Ouka's a wonderful fu-- uhh, cook." 

Omi nods. "Yes..." 

Nagi continues with his speech. "Why, Tot's even up for a promotion soon, if she can get Masafumi in the sack!" They end up near a cemetary with a large sign that proclaims "Welcome to Tokyo". The sign also has a heart with an arrow through its center. 

Omi looks at the billboard and smiles again. "Yes..." 

> **Ya See, Omi**   
[Dammit, Janet] 
> 
> Nagi:(Stops and turns to Omi.) Hey, Omi. 
> 
> Omi:Yes, Ouka? 
> 
> Nagi:I've got somethin' to say. 
> 
> Omi:Uh-huh... 
> 
> Nagi:I really love the skillful way...   
You beat the others   
To Ouka's bouquet 
> 
> Omi:Oh, Nagi... ^^ 
> 
> Nagi:All the boys and girls want to own me (Chorus: Omi)   
But their love was just phony (Omi)   
So don't tell me I'm full of bologna (Omi)   
I've one thing to say and that's "Ya see, Omi, I love you" 
> 
> I once worked for your daddy (Omi)   
But now you're the only whore for me (Omi)   
Even though I don't have lots of money (Omi)   
I've one thing to say and that's "Ya see, Omi, I love you" 
> 
> Here's a ring to prove you're my koibito   
Here's three ways that you can kill off Ouka: (So she stays away)   
Knife, sword or poison   
Oh M-A-M-O-RU   
I love you so 
> 
> Omi:Oh, it's better than the other Omi's (Nagi)   
Now we're engaged; I'm so happy! (Nagi)   
I'm glad you've met Daddy Takatori (Nagi)   
I've one thing to say and that's Nagi, I madly, love you too!   
Oh Nagi! 
> 
> Nagi:Oh... you see! 
> 
> Omi:I'm madly... 
> 
> Nagi:Oh... Omi. 
> 
> Omi:In love with you. 
> 
> Nagi: I love you too. 
> 
> Both: There's one thing left to do-o-oh... 
> 
> Omi:Let's go see the man who helped concieve me (Nagi)   
And introduced you to me-ee (Nagi)   
Made me throw a dart at you then flee (Nagi) 
> 
> Nagi:I've one thing to say and that's "Ya see, Omi, I love you!" 
> 
> Omi:Oh Nagi, you're sexy. 
> 
> Nagi:Ya see, Omi... 
> 
> Omi:Oh Nagi, you're sexy. 
> 
> Nagi:Ya see, Omi... 
> 
> Both:I love you. (The two clasp hands together.) 

The camera fades to black. It fades in on a shadowed figure sitting at a desk. 

"I would like, ah, if I may, to take you on a strange journey." Persia goes for a black book. He opens it. "It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Naoe Nagi and his fiancée Tsukiyono Omi, two young, normal, healthy bishounen, left Tokyo that late November evening, to visit Takatori Reiji, Omi's father, Nagi's ex-employer, and teacher to both. It's true that there were dark storm clouds. Heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving. It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids on a night out... well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest of their evening, were they? On a night out... It was a night out there were going to remember... for a very long time." As if on reflex, Persia also adds, "White hunters in the night! Hunt the future of the dark-- nevermind." 

The camera fades to black. It fades in on Nagi and Omi, driving in a really old blue Buick. Nagi is driving the car. Rain relentlessly pours down. A crack of thunder can be heard in the distance. A small red sports car with the licence plate "OHTORI" passes the couple. 

"God, that's the third small red sports car that's speeded by us! They sure are taking their lives in their hands, keeping the hood down in this weather," Omi says, appalled. 

Nagi nods. "Yes, some people are morons." The bishounen seems to be preoccupied. This fact does not escape his fiancée. 

Omi frowns. "What's wrong, Nagi-chan?" 

Nagi hits the steering wheel in frustration. "Gah! We must've taken the wrong road a few miles back." He glances out the window at a broad expanse of grassland. They are driving on a dirt road, muddy from the rain. 

"Where did those cars come from, then?" Omi blinks. 

Nagi ignores that comment. "Aa, well, I suppose we'll have to turn back," he says, shrugging. Suddenly, the car makes a really, really loud 'boom' sound. The car slows to a stop. 

Omi reflexively clings to Nagi. "Eep! What was that?!" 

Nagi hits the steering wheel again. "We must've blown a tire. Shimatta! I knew I should have had that spare fixed... Stay here and keep warm. I'll go find help." 

Omi blinks again. "Where? We're in the middle of nowhere!" As if to confirm this, a cow moos in the background. A girl can also be faintly heard yelling, "What are you talking about, moo? I'm not a cow, moo!" 

Nagi considers this fact. "Didn't we pass a castle a ways back? Maybe they have a phone we can use or something. I forgot my Nokia at home." 

"Alright. I'm coming with you." 

"Don't worry about it, koi; there's no use for both of us to get wet," Nagi says. 

"I'm coming! Ouka could've found out about me already! She could be hiding out there!" He points out the car window. "She could be crouched behind a tree, waiting for me to get out of the car!" Omi begins to babble, glancing about like he's paranoid. "She could have sabatoged our car for her demonic purposes! She could have a knife or a gun or some arsenic or a wire or a tiger claw thing or--" 

"Enough! Point taken," Nagi cuts in, massaging his temples. He gets out of the car, with Omi following suit. He goes to the blown tire and proceeds to try fixing it. Omi puts a newspaper over his head to shield himself from the rain. After Nagi gives up, the two stand and begin walking toward the mansion looming in the background. 

The camera fades out to Persia's silohuette. 

"Due to sheer laziness on the part of the author, the parody of "Over At The Frankenstein Place" is non-existant," Persia proclaims. "As she says, 'The song sucks anyway.' Direct all flames for for this comment to crazymoses@yahoo.com." 

Persia clears his throat. "And so, it seems that Lady Luck has smiled upon Nagi and Omi, and that they had found the assistance their plight required. Or had they? White hunters in the night-- nevermind." 

The camera fades in to Omi, clinging desperately to Nagi's arm. He begins whimpering pathetically. "Nagi, let's go back... I'm cold and frightened. This place doesn't look so... nice." 

Nagi surveys the mansion. It's huge; shadows hide much of it. Twin gargoyals guard the manor. Sweeping windows are marred by grime and many panes are cracked. Weeds overrun most of the courtyard and vines curl over the rusting iron fence. Needless to say, it looks pretty foreboding. 

"Wait a sec, Omi; they might have a phone," Nagi says. 

Omi makes some more whimpering noises. "Well, hurry, dear." 

Nagi makes as if to knock on the door. Before his fist makes contact, gargantuan oak doors slowly open. A hunchbacked man peers out from between them, his firey red hair still brilliant in the gloom. Had he not been disfigured, he would have made a very handsome man. 

He smirks. "Hello." 

Nagi forces a smile. "Hiya! I'm Naoe Nagi, and this is my fianceé, Tsykiyono Omi." Omi gives a little wave. "I wonder if you could help us, by any chance... our car broke down a little way down the road. Do you have a phone we could use?" 

The man, whose name was Ran, silently looks Omi up and down. Omi twitches uncomfortably. "You're wet," he states. 

Omi nods. "Yes... it's raining." As if to confirm this, the rain begins pouring down harder. 

"Yes, it is," Nagi says. 

"Yes..." Ran smiles a bit to himself. "You had better come inside." He beckons for the two to follow. He disappears into the depths of the mansion. Omi and Nagi glance at each other and cautiously enter. 

"Oh, you're too kind!" Omi gushes. He looks around at his surroundings. He then notices the macabre assortment of items cluttering the room. He inches even closer to Nagi and hisses to him. "Nagi, I'm frightened! What sort of a place is this?!" 

Nagi whispers back, "It's probably a meeting place for otaku of some sort. You know how *they* are." 

"This way," Ran calls. He turns and begins walking across the room. 

"Are you having a party or something?" Omi calls out timidly. 

"You've arrived on a very... special night," Ran says, rasping. He allows himself a small predatory grin. "It's one of the master's... special... affairs." 

"Aa, I see," Omi nods. "He must be a lucky man." Suddenly, a woman comes sliding down the banister at inhuman speeds. Her brown hair is held in two braids which stream behind her. She hops off, dusting off her tattered maid outfit. 

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!" she screams and begins laughing hysterically. Ran turns to the girl on the banister. "Aya-chan," he states matter-of-factly. He puts his hand on his sister's shoulder posessively. Aya smiles at him as the clock chimes seven times. It is of particular note that the clock only reads 6 o'clock. 

> **The Lime Warp**   
[The Time Warp] 
> 
> Ran:It's arousing   
A lime's beginning   
Citrus takes its toll   
But listen closely... 
> 
> Aya:Not for very much longer. 
> 
> Ran:I musn't lose control... (Jumps onto a table.)   
(Crazed.) I remember doing the Lime Warp   
Those moments when   
Those urges'd hit me 
> 
> Both:And the fics would be calling: 
> 
> (Aya throws open the doors to a huge room. Hundreds of guests are assembled inside: the entire cast of Care Bears are in one corner, the author and her friends are in the opposite corner, and the whole of the WKFF ML are in the other. Each are singing and dancing the Lime Warp, improvising obcene hand gestures as they see fit.) 
> 
> All:Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again! 
> 
> (Scene cuts to Persia.)   
Persia: It's just a hump to the left... (His silhouetted form does so.)   
(Scene cuts back to the gathering.) 
> 
> All:And then a lick to the right! 
> 
> (Scene cuts back to Persia.)   
Persia:Put your hands on their hips...   
(He places his hands on someone's hips- someone whose silhouette looks suspiciously like Manx.)   
(Scene cuts back to the group.) 
> 
> All:And tie their hands up tight!   
But it's the pelvic thrust   
That really drives you insane   
Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again! 
> 
> Aya:I was sleeping, my fantasies freed me   
I was unseeing in a coma   
In the hospital room,   
With an inspirational boom,   
Lime and lemon,   
I wrote all. 
> 
> Ran:With a bit of a mind flip, 
> 
> Aya:You're into the lime slip 
> 
> Ran:And nothing can ever be the same. 
> 
> Aya:(Seductively.) You enjoy the sensations, 
> 
> Ran:(Crazed.) With euphoric elation! 
> 
> All:Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again! 
> 
> Ken: (Takes center stage. He's clad in an outrageous yellow and purple sequined number. Oddly enough, an orange sweatshirt is tied around his waist...)   
I was runnin' down the field just playin' a game   
When this damn hot guy, Ran was his name,   
He had a laptop, and to my suprise,   
He showed me a lemon fic -- oh, my virgin eyes!   
He groped at me and I felt a change   
Citrus fruits would never mean the same! 
> 
> All:Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again! 
> 
> (Scene cuts back to Persia.)   
Persia: It's just a hump to the left...(Again, does the motion.)   
(Scene cuts to the party.) 
> 
> All:And then a lick to the right! 
> 
> (Once more to Persia...)   
Persia:Put your hands on their hips...(Again, puts his hands on someone's hips.)   
(Scene cuts- oh, you know the drill.) 
> 
> All:And tie their hands up tight!   
But it's the pelvic thrust   
That really drives you insane   
Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again! 
> 
> Ken:(Begins a long tap dance on the mantlepiece. Everyone present stares in awe of   
his skills.) 
> 
> All:Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again! 
> 
> Persia: (Hops onto his desk, while still silohuetted.)   
It's just a hump to the left! (Does the motions with... vigor.) 
> 
> All:And then a lick to the right!   
Persia:Put your hands on their hips! (Does so, wiggling as seductively as an old guy can.) 
> 
> All:And tie their hands up tight!   
But it's the pelvic thrust   
That really drives you insane   
Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
Let's do the Lime Warp again!   
(Everyone falls to the ground, dazed.) 

Omi hisses to his lover, "Nagi, do something!" 

"Uhh, do any of you have a Nokia by any chance?" He glances about the room. "No?" 

"Please, Nagi, let's just get out of here!" Omi pleads. His eyes beg the other bishounen. 

"For Godsakes, Omi, you're cutting off the circulation in my arm!" Nagi cries. Omi lets go. "Thank you. Now don't worry, koi, everything'll be alright." Some background music begins to play softly at first, and then builds to a crecendo. 

The camera pans from the squabbling couple to a pair of feet, seductively clad in knee-high dominatrix boots. It stays on the walking feet for the remainder of the scene. 

"But it... seems so... dirty here!" Omi cries. 

"It's just a party!" 

Omi sounds nearly hysterical. "I want to go home!!" 

"We can't go anywhere without using a phone first!" 

"This'll teach you to forget your Nokia!" He kicks the other boy in frustration. "Ask the butler or something!" 

"I don't want to intrude on their party..." 

Omi clenches his teeth together and growls. "Would you rather intrude on their party or feel my wrath? I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm scared..." [Author's note: Hell hath no fury like an Omi scorned.] 

Nagi backs off. "Point taken. There's nothing to worry about, koi. I'm right here." 

Finally, the camera pans up on the wearer of the dominatrix boots. He is clad in crimson and black lingerie with black lace adorning the piece. Black garters are attatched to the top of the garment, both of which are also covered in lace. He smiles seductively, his jade eyes twinkling mischeviously from under his sunglasses. His attractive face is covered in stark makeup which accents his natural beauty. His blonde hair shimmers in the dim light. 

He takes a drag on his cigarette. "How do you do?" 

[End Part 1]   


   [1]: http://www.defiled.org
   [2]: mailto:crazymoses@yahoo.com



End file.
